Jerrod & Jim: Sins of the Penguin
by Jerrod the Lone Outlaw
Summary: The disposable heroes of MSTs star in this not-so-direct sequel to Ashura Hedgehog's
1. Episode Zero: Prelude To The Sin

Disclaimer: "Dragonball Z" and its characters are registered trademarks belonging to  
  
FUNimation, Inc. "Tenchi Muyo!" and its characters are also trademarks of Pioneer and  
  
AIC. "Sonic the Hedgehog", its characters, and its games belong to SEGA. TOM and the  
  
Absolution belong to (as far as I know) Cartoon Network and Time Warner. MST3K is a  
  
registered trademark of Best Brains, Inc. Dalax belongs to Dalax Dawnbreak. Ryu and  
  
Trigger belong to newbie MSTer, Darax the Hedgehog. Ashura, Crystallis, and Seiyuka  
  
belong to my good buddy, Ashura Hedgehog. Merc, Sara, and Sabian belong to  
  
my friend, MercStar. Angel belongs to herself. Jerrod, Jim, Mr. Silverfish, and the MST  
  
Antarctica belong to ME, and ME alone! All celebrities are impersonated... poorly. All  
  
flames and bad reviews are to be e-mailed to www. kissmywhiteass.com.  
  
Is anybody still reading this? If so, then....  
  
ON WITH THE FREAKIN' FIC!!!  
  
===============================================================  
  
Jerrod and Jim  
  
SINS of the PENGUIN  
  
===============================================================  
  
Episode Zero  
  
ï 


	2. Episode I: Jim! Set Course For The Absol...

Disclaimer: "Dragonball Z" and its characters are registered trademarks belonging to  
  
FUNimation, Inc. "Tenchi Muyo!" and its characters are also trademarks of Pioneer and  
  
AIC. "Sonic the Hedgehog", its characters, and its games belong to SEGA. TOM and the  
  
Absolution belong to (as far as I know) Cartoon Network and Time Warner. MST3K is a  
  
registered trademark of Best Brains, Inc. Dalax belongs to Dalax Dawnbreak. Ryu and  
  
Trigger belong to newbie MSTer, Darax the Hedgehog. Ashura, Crystallis, and Seiyuka  
  
belong to my good buddy, Ashura Hedgehog. Merc, Sara, and Sabian belong to  
  
my friend, MercStar. Angel belongs to herself. Jerrod, Jim, Mr. Silverfish, and the MST  
  
Antarctica belong to ME, and ME alone! No penguins were actually harmed in the  
  
making of this episode. Any and all MSTs and unwarranted flames of this fic will be  
  
taken as a sign that you support the terrorists. Now, ON WITH THE FREAKIN' FIC!  
  
===============================================================  
  
  
  
  
  
Jerrod the Lone Outlaw  
  
presents...  
  
In association with Ashura Hedgehog and MercStar...  
  
  
  
ALL ABOAAAAAAAAARD! HA HA HA HA!  
  
*CUE HEAVY METAL MUSIC*  
  
Jerrod and Jim  
  
SINS of the PENGUIN  
  
  
  
Crazy, but that's how it goes  
  
Millions of people living as foes  
  
Maybe it's not to late  
  
To learn how to love  
  
And forget how to hate  
  
Mental wounds not healing  
  
Life's a bitter shame  
  
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train  
  
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train  
  
I've listened to preachers  
  
I've listened to fools  
  
I've watched all the dropouts  
  
Who make their own rules  
  
One person conditioned to rule and control  
  
The media sells it and you live the role  
  
Mental wounds still screaming  
  
Driving me insane  
  
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train  
  
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train  
  
I know that things are going wrong for me  
  
You gotta listen to my words  
  
Yeah-h Yeah!  
  
Heirs of a cold war  
  
That's what we've become  
  
Inheriting troubles I'm mentally numb  
  
Crazy, I just cannot bear  
  
I'm living with something that just isn't fair  
  
Mental wounds not healing  
  
Who and what's to blame  
  
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train  
  
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train  
  
  
  
Ozzy Osbourne  
  
"Crazy Train"  
  
Blizzard Of Ozz  
  
===============================================================  
  
Episode I  
  
⃟⃟  
  
===============================================================  
  
Jim is rocking back and forth in his chair on the bridge. He is a nervous wreck.  
  
  
  
Jim: Oh, bad. Oh, bad. Oh, bad... O-O  
  
  
  
As he is doing this, Jerrod enters the bridge...  
  
  
  
Jerrod: (to Jim) Hey, bro! :-)  
  
  
  
... and manages to scare the bejesus out of the diminutive penguin.  
  
  
  
Jim: GYAAAA!!  
  
  
  
Jim jumps up so high that he hits his head on the ceiling...  
  
  
  
*BONK*  
  
  
  
... and lands back in his seat.  
  
  
  
*WHUMP*  
  
Jerrod: (looks at Jim, smirks) Well, aren't we "jumpy" today. Heh heh heh.  
  
Jim: (turns and glares at Jerrod) Not cool, Jer.  
  
Jerrod: So, what'd Ashy-Boy wanna talk to ya' about, anyway? He seemed pissed.  
  
  
  
Jerrod moves closer to Jim and glares at him.  
  
  
  
Jerrod: This wouldn't happen to be about that rumor that Crystallis is a herm, would it?  
  
Jim: For the LAST time, I'm NOT the one who STARTED that one! _  
  
Jerrod: (backs away, holds hands up in defensive position) Okay, okay. Fine. So, what WAS the Ashinator so peeved about?  
  
  
  
Jim takes a deep breath, then looks at Jerrod.  
  
  
  
Jim: (nervous) Jerrod... I did something bad. REALLY bad. Hell, it might just be the worst thing I've ever done. Ashura threatened to ban me from the Absolution for life unless I fix it!  
  
  
  
Jerrod kneels down and places his hand on Jim's fuzzy, black head. He looks Jim square in the eye.  
  
  
  
Jerrod: Jim, I've known you since I was in the sixth grade. Now, I've seen you do some really stupid shit since then, so I'm pretty sure that whatever you did, Ashy-Boy'll get over real quick.  
  
Jim: (looks at Jerrod) You think so?  
  
Jerrod: (smiles) Sure! I mean, what the hell could you've done that was so bad?  
  
  
  
------------------------------------Seconds later...------------------------ --------------------  
  
  
  
Out in the hallway, Dalax Dawnbreak is trying to reconnect some wires with the aid of some electric tape, bubble gum, and a book labeled "Do-It- Yourself Rewiring Because You're Too Pigheaded To Hire An Electritian", which is currently tucked between his head and his right shoulder.  
  
  
  
Dalax: (working, looking in book) Okay... Now, are the green wires supposed to go in the #5 tube, or the #9?  
  
  
  
While he is working, a bunch of warning claxons and flashing lights suddenly start going off.  
  
  
  
Dalax: Yipes! Guess it was the #9!  
  
  
  
At that moment, the voice of his friend, Ryu, booms over the intercom.  
  
  
  
Ryu: (via P.A.) DALAX!!! WE'VE GOT A "BOBBY KNIGHT"-ING IN PROCESS ON THE BRIDGE!!!  
  
  
  
Dalax stands there for a second to try and figure out what Ryu meant by a "Bobby Knight"-ing. When it finally dawns on him, he goes wide-eyed and makes a mad dash for the bridge.  
  
Upon reaching the bridge, Dalax swings the door open to discover Jerrod in the midst of strangling Jim with his bare hands! Ryu and Trigger are already inside, trying to pry the outlaw off of the bird, who is beginning to change color.  
  
  
  
Jerrod: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE FUCKING MATTER WITH YOU, YOU STUPID FUCK?!?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING GOURD, OR WHAT?!?!?! _  
  
Jim: (turning purple) AAAAAACK!! ACK-ACKKK!!! X-X  
  
Ryu: (trying to restrain Jerrod): Jerrod! *erk* You've got to let go of Jim! *hgh*  
  
  
  
Dalax walks over to Jerrod and hits him with a karate chop to the back of the neck, knocking him unconscious. Once Jerrod's grip goes limp, Jim takes in a deep gasp of air.  
  
  
  
Jim: *GAAAAAAAAAAAAASP* (to Dalax) Thanks, Dalax.  
  
Dalax: You're welcome.  
  
Ryu: (to Jim): Why the hell was Jerrod trying to kill you, anyway?  
  
Jim: Eh, heh heh heh. Funny story, really. I'll tell you two about it, sometime. ^-^'  
  
  
  
Jerrod begins to regain consciousness, and uses Dalax as support as he climbs back to his feet.  
  
  
  
Jerrod: (to Dalax) Thanks. I needed that.  
  
  
  
Jerrod then turns his attention to Jim. He shoots Jim one of his infamous "Glares of Death", causing Jim to quickly duck behind Ryu for safety.  
  
  
  
Jerrod: Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiim. \_/  
  
Jim: Uhhhhhhh... No habla Englase?  
  
Trigger: Jerrod, please restrain yourself. It isn't healthy for you.  
  
Jerrod: (to Trigger) I'll take my chances with my health, Trigger, thank you. (turns back to Jim) As for YOU, you sick little freak, I've got half a mind to ship your ass off to the San Diego Zoo! Just what the hell is WRONG with you, anyways?  
  
Jim: Oh, now how the hell was I supposed to know that Trunks and Sabby wouldn't like it? Last I checked, MOST males actually LIKE girl-on-girl!  
  
  
  
Dalax and Ryu, now totally confused, look at each other, then at Jerrod and Jim.  
  
  
  
Ryu: Um.... Is this something we'd be better off NOT knowing about?  
  
Jerrod: Well, I've got a feelin' you two'll find out about it sooner or later, so ya' might as well here it from me.  
  
  
  
And so, Jerrod goes on to recount the whole sordid ordeal of how Sara, girlfriend of Sabian Starwalker, and Seiyuka, girlfriend of Dragonball Z's Future Trunks, got drunk one night and "went for a ride on Space Mountain" together. He then goes on to explain how Crow T. Robot managed to catch the whole thing on tape, and how Jim got ahold of a copy and proceeded to make more copies to send to Sabian and Trunks, and that Trunks then went and broke up with Seiyuka because of it.  
  
  
  
Jerrod: (finishing the speech) ... And now, my buddy Ashura's told Jim that if he doesn't get those two back together, he won't be allowed to see Ayeka ever again.  
  
Trigger: (sarcastically) Wow. Never having to see Ayeka ever again... Oh, now wouldn't THAT be a travesty.  
  
  
  
Dalax steps in to try and restrain Jim from mauling the little robot.  
  
  
  
Jim: YOU LITTLE BUTTWIPE! WHY I OUTTA...!!! _  
  
Jerrod: (to Ryu) ANYWHO, Ryu, since you're the resident engineer, do ya' think you could whip up something to transport Jim and I over to the Absolution?  
  
  
  
Ryu thinks about this for a second.  
  
  
  
Ryu: Well, I suppose I could, but what's in it for me?  
  
  
  
Jerrod leans close to Ryu's ear.  
  
  
  
Jerrod: (whispers) You get Jim and I on board, and I won't tell Dalax that YOU'RE the one who drank his last Yoo Hoo.  
  
Ryu: ... Deal. O_O  
  
  
  
---------------------------------------A Few Minutes Later...--------------- ------------------  
  
  
  
Jerrod, Jim, Ryu, Dalax, and Trigger are in the cargo bay, which has now been converted into a makeshift laboratory for Ryu. The room looks like something out of "Frankenstein", but without the cobwebs.  
  
At a nearby table, Ryu is constructing some sort of apparatus with Trigger, while Jerrod, Jim, and Dalax look around.  
  
  
  
Jim: (in awe) Wow. This place looks almost just like my 7th Grade science class.  
  
Dalax: (to Jim) Really?  
  
Jim: Yeah. Only difference is there's not a giant stack of porno mags in the back closet.  
  
Jerrod: (arches eyebrow at Jim) Porno mags?  
  
Jim: (nods) Yep. Mr. Stucky thought those were the best way to study the female anatomy.  
  
  
  
While Jim walks over to another part of the room, Dalax goes over to Jerrod.  
  
  
  
Dalax: (whispers) Dude, are all penguins like him?  
  
Jerrod: (ditto) No, of course not.  
  
Dalax: *whew*  
  
Jerrod: Most are worse.  
  
Dalax: O_O  
  
Jerrod: Yeah, I know. -_-  
  
  
  
Jim walks over to a small drawer in a corner of the lab. He looks around to see if anybody is watching him, before opening up the drawer and snooping around inside it.  
  
Meanwhile, Ryu and Trigger are at work on the project at a small table at the other end of the room.  
  
  
  
Ryu: Okay, Trigger, would you please hand me a G-4 circuit?  
  
Trigger: (as Igor) Yeeeees, master!  
  
  
  
Ryu shoots Trigger an odd glance as it goes to fetch the circuit.  
  
  
  
Ryu: You're weird, you know that?  
  
Trigger: I also know that you are the one who originally built me.  
  
Ryu: How could I forget. -_-  
  
  
  
Back in that small corner of the room, Jim's digging finally bears fruit.  
  
  
  
Jim: Hellooooo, what's this?  
  
  
  
Jim tries to pull the object out, but it appears to be stuck. Jim struggles with all his might to free the mystery object.  
  
  
  
Jim: Nyaaaaag! (as the Croc Hunter) Boy, she's a feisty little bugga', isn't she?  
  
  
  
Jim's battle with the mystery object manages to draw the attention of Jerrod and Dalax.  
  
  
  
Dalax: (looking at Jim, quizzically): What the hell is he doing now?  
  
Jerrod: Jim! Step AWAY from the drawer!  
  
  
  
Just as Jerrod says this, Jim manages to free the object...  
  
  
  
*CRASH*  
  
  
  
... as well as the rest of the drawer's contents.  
  
  
  
Ryu: (turning source of noise) What the hell was... Aw, DAMN it, Jim! _  
  
  
  
All of the drawer's contents, which are mostly old papers, pens, and tools, are splattered across the floor. Jerrod, Dalax, and Ryu walk over to Jim as he is climbing to his feet.  
  
  
  
Jerrod: (shakes his right index finger at Jim) BAD PENGUIN! BAD!  
  
Dalax: (to Jim) What the hell did you think you were you doing, anyway?  
  
Jim: Well, I was trying to get this thing out.  
  
  
  
Jim holds up the mystery object for the three guys to see. Jerrod and Dalax go wide-eyed and stare at the object in question, while Ryu grows deathly pale.  
  
It is a pair of white, cotton, women's panties.  
  
  
  
Ryu: (mortified) AAAAAAAACK!!! O_O  
  
Jerrod: (arches right eyebrow at Ryu) Um... Is there something about yourself you would like to share with us?  
  
Ryu: It's... uh... It's not what you think!  
  
  
  
Jim inspects the pair of panties closer. While doing so, he sees something that makes his face turn a mixture of pale-white and green.  
  
  
  
Jim: GYAAAA!!! (throws panties at Ryu's face) NOT CLEAN! NOT CLEAN!! -  
  
  
  
Jim then runs over to a nearby sink and starts washing his hands with a feverish pace. Jerrod and Dalax look at Jim, sweatdrop, then look at Ryu and the panties on his head. It is then that they notice what it was about the panties that made Jim freak out. On the back of the waistband is a small crab logo!  
  
  
  
Jerrod: Oh... my... God. O_O  
  
Dalax: (to Ryu, points at panties) Are those... WASHU'S?! O_O  
  
  
  
Ryu hangs his head down in shame.  
  
  
  
Ryu: I snuck them out of her lab one day while I was visiting her.  
  
Jim: (to Ryu, walking over to the others) Dude, you need some serious professional help, you know that?  
  
  
  
Ryu nods.  
  
  
  
-----------------------------------One Hour Later...------------------------ ------------------  
  
Ryu: Okay, guys! I'm finished!  
  
  
  
Ryu shows the group his invention. It is a green, six-by-eight inch electronic device with a small numberpad and several switches on it. There is a small, blue, crystal screen in the middle of the device and a pair of rabbit-ear antennae on the top.  
  
  
  
Ryu: Well, what do you think?  
  
  
  
The others just stare at the device for a few seconds.  
  
  
  
Jerrod: (to Ryu) Uh, dude? It's a TV.  
  
Dalax: Noooo, it looks more like a Game Boy.  
  
Jim: (to Dalax) Since when do Game Boys have antennas?  
  
Ryu: It's not a Game Boy, and it's not a TV. THIS... (points to device) ...is the Personal Interdimentional Transportation Apparatus, or P.I.T.A. This baby will take you just about anywhere in the known universe that you want to go.  
  
Jerrod & Jim: (drooling, gawking at device) Mmmmm... Pita...  
  
Ryu: (sweatdrop) Ummmm... ANYWHO, all you have to do to use the P.I.T.A. is type in the name of the place you wish to go into the keypad, hit the green button, and PRESTO! Now, to get back to the starting point of your trip or return to a previous destination, just use the little dial on the side to find you desired coordinate.  
  
Trigger: Wow. That's actually kinda impressive, Ryu.  
  
Ryu: (glares at Trigger): What do you mean, "kinda"?  
  
  
  
Jim runs over to Ryu and rips the P.I.T.A. out from his hands.  
  
  
  
Jim: Me first! Me first! I wanna try! Besides, I know JUST where I wanna go! :)  
  
  
  
Jim types in an address into the keypad, then hits the green button. The antennae on the top of the P.I.T.A. begin to glow a bright yellow, while rotating in opposite directions like a set of helicopter blades.  
  
  
  
Suddenly, Jim vanishes into thin air!  
  
  
  
Dalax: Hey! He's gone!  
  
Jerrod: (looks around) Where the hell did he go?  
  
  
  
As the others look around, Jim reappears in the exact same spot from where he disappeared. He has a broad, evil grin across his face.  
  
  
  
Jerrod: (apprehensive) Oh, God...  
  
Trigger: (to Jim) Do we really want to know what you did?  
  
Dalax: (to Trigger) I sure as hell don't.  
  
  
  
-----------------------------------------Elsewhere...----------------------- --------------------  
  
  
  
Somewhere in space, Gundam Wing's Quattre Winner is staggering blindly about a hotel suite, the recent victim of an atomic wedgie!  
  
  
  
Quattre: HEY! WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?!  
  
  
  
---------------------------------------Back On The Antarctica... ----------- ------------------  
  
  
  
Jim: (to Ryu) Roshi, your teleportation device works like a charm!  
  
Ryu: Thanks, Jim. And, by the way, my name is Ryu.  
  
Jim: Yeah, well, po-tay-to, po-tah-to.  
  
Jerrod: (to Jim, impatiently) Jim, I think it's time you an' I got goin', bro.  
  
Jim: Oh, yeah! Right!  
  
  
  
Jerrod takes the P.I.T.A. from Jim and begins typing in the address for the Absolution.  
  
  
  
Jerrod: (typing) Okay, until Jim and I get back, Mr. Silverfish is in charge, alright. So, somebody go find him and tell him that.  
  
Ryu: Sure!  
  
Dalax: No prob!  
  
Jim: (to Dalax and Ryu) And stay away from my stash!  
  
  
  
Everyone else nervously look at Jim.  
  
  
  
Jim: Um... MUSTACHE! (whips out a fake mustache and puts it on his beak)  
  
Others: Oh.  
  
  
  
Jerrod presses the green button on the P.I.T.A., and its antennae begin to glow and spin. A few seconds later, Jerrod the Lone Outlaw and Jim the Talking Penguin vanish.  
  
  
  
Dalax: (to no one in particular) You think they'll be alright?  
  
Trigger: The outlaw will live. The bird, on the other hand, will be appearing in a KFC bucket near you.  
  
Ryu: That's probably not too far from the truth. (turns to Dalax) Now, what's say you and I go look in Jim's room, and see if we can't find another copy of that tape? :-)  
  
Dalax: I'm there! ^_^  
  
  
  
Ryu and Dalax make a mad dash out of the laboratory, leaving Trigger in the dust.  
  
  
  
Trigger: (shakes head) *sigh* Organics. -_-  
  
  
  
--------------------------------------To Be Continued...-------------------- -----  
  
  
  
WILL Jerrod and Jim be able to save Trunks and Seiyuka's relationship?  
  
CAN the crew of the Antarctica survive a Silverfish regime?  
  
IS the world as we know it going to end if Stephanie McMahon no longer appears on WWF programming?  
  
  
  
To find out the answers to the questions, stay tuned for the NEXT episode of...  
  
  
  
Jerrod and Jim  
  
SINS of the PENGUIN  
  
Episode II  
  
⃟⃟  
  
(Which will be released when I feel like it)  
  
  
  
  
  
BOYCOTT the R.I.A.A.!!! 


	3. Episode II: Running the Gauntlet

Disclaimer: The story you are about to read is fictuitous. The names have been changed  
  
to protect the ignorant. No grilled cheese sandwiches were harmed in the making of this  
  
fic. This fic should not be read or handled by children under the age of 17, pregnant  
  
women, women who are trying to become pregnant, or males with narrow urethras. It is  
  
also not advised that you read this while smoking a friggin' cannon, snorting blow, or just  
  
plain getting plastered, for it may interfere with the enjoyment of this fic. Void where  
  
prohibited and Mississippi. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no  
  
play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no  
  
play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no  
  
play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...  
  
*WHACK*  
  
Sorry. Now then, "Dragonball Z" and its characters are registered trademarks belonging  
  
to FUNimation, Inc. "Tenchi Muyo!" and its characters are also trademarks of Pioneer  
  
and AIC. "Sonic the Hedgehog", its characters, and its games belong to SEGA. TOM and  
  
the Absolution belong to (as far as I know) Cartoon Network and Time Warner. MST3K  
  
is a registered trademark of Best Brains, Inc. Dalax belongs to Dalax Dawnbreak. Ryu  
  
and Trigger belong to Darax the Hedgehog. Ashura, Crystallis, and  
  
Seiyuka belong to my good buddie, Ashura Hedgehog. Merc, Sara and Sabian belong to  
  
my friend, MercStar. Angel owns herself, so watch your ass. Jerrod, Jim, Mr. Silverfish,  
  
and the MST Antarctica belong to me, and ME alone. Now then... ON WITH THE  
  
FREAKIN' FIC!!!  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------  
  
Jerrod the Lone Outlaw presents...  
  
In association with Ashura Hedgehog and MercStar...  
  
ALL ABOAAAAAAAAARD! HA HA HA HA!  
  
*CUE HEAVY METAL MUSIC*  
  
Jerrod and Jim SINS of the PENGUIN  
  
  
  
Crazy, but that's how it goes Millions of people living as foes Maybe it's not to late To learn how to love And forget how to hate  
  
Mental wounds not healing Life's a bitter shame I'm going off the rails on a crazy train I'm going off the rails on a crazy train  
  
I've listened to preachers I've listened to fools I've watched all the dropouts Who make their own rules One person conditioned to rule and control The media sells it and you live the role  
  
Mental wounds still screaming Driving me insane I'm going off the rails on a crazy train I'm going off the rails on a crazy train  
  
I know that things are going wrong for me You gotta listen to my words Yeah-h Yeah!  
  
Heirs of a cold war That's what we've become Inheriting troubles I'm mentally numb Crazy, I just cannot bear I'm living with something that just isn't fair  
  
Mental wounds not healing Who and what's to blame I'm going off the rails on a crazy train I'm going off the rails on a crazy train  
  
Ozzy Osbourne "Crazy Train" Blizzard Of Ozz  
  
===============================================================  
  
Episode II "Running the Gauntlet" =============================================================== [Dateline: The Absolution]  
  
Ashura Hedgehog and his girlfriend, Crystallis, are sitting together on a couch in the ship's lounge area. Ashura has his head rested on Crystallis's lap, while she strokes the quills on the top of his head.  
  
Ashura: Crysty, you think that Jim'll make the right choice?  
  
Crystallis: I should hope so...I mean, it was his fault this all happened and he needs to fix it himself. Don't worry yourself, Ashura...  
  
Ashura: Yeah...but, I'm scared he'll just make it even worse even IF he comes here to fix it...  
  
Suddenly, the room is engulfed in a flash of white light, and Jerrod the Lone Outlaw appears in the center of the room with the P.I.T.A. in his hand.  
  
Jerrod: (dazed) Whoa... Cool. @.@  
  
Crysty: (smiling) Jerrod! Welcome back!  
  
Ashura: (glaring at Jerrod) Alright, Outlaw, where's the penguin?!  
  
Jerrod: (spooked) YEEP!  
  
Jerrod jumps back about three feet, his hands up in a defensive position. Crystallis turns and glares at Ashura.  
  
Crysty: Ashura! That's not how to speak to someone we haven't seen in the longest time!  
  
Ashura: Grrr...sorry, Jer...  
  
Jerrod: (lowering hands) Uh, sure, dude... Waitaminute...  
  
Jerrod starts looking around frantically.  
  
Uh-oh. O_O  
  
Crysty: What's wrong?  
  
Jerrod: (freaking out) AAAAGH! WHERE'S JIM?! O_O  
  
Ashura: What do you mean, "Where's Jim?" Isn't he with you?  
  
Jerrod: (looking underneath a mini-fridge) He WAS when I teleported here!  
  
Ashura: Teleported?! I don't seem to remember you being able to do that.  
  
Crysty: 'Sides, I thought that little king kid was the one who did the teleporting.  
  
Jerrod: (looks at the two hedgehogs) Yeah, well, we got a new crewmember who's a rookie MSTer and a mad scientist...  
  
Jerrod scowls at the P.I.T.A.  
  
... And apparently, he needs to do some more work on this damn thing! _  
  
Ashura: He? (goes wide-eyed) Oh, God... O_O  
  
Crysty: (to Ash) What is it?  
  
Ashura: (to Jerrod) Uh, this guy wouldn't happen to have this little gold robot following him everywhere, by any chance?  
  
Jerrod: Yeah! How'd you know?  
  
Ashura hides his face in his hands and sighs.  
  
Ashura: Washu once told me about him. He's a major perv, and a little absent-minded. -_-  
  
Jerrod: Ho-boy. o_o'  
  
Crysty: (worried) This is bad.  
  
Ashura looks at Crystallis and nods.  
  
Ashura: Very bad.  
  
Jerrod: I really gotta start doin' background checks on the crewmembers. But first, let's see if I can figure out what the hell went wrong, here.  
  
Jerrod starts fiddling with the dials and knobs on the Portable Interdimentional Transportation Device. Finally, he stumbles upon something.  
  
Hey, alright! Looks like this thing's got a record of everywhere it's sent people!  
  
Ashura: Great! Now, where'd that little fuzzball run off to?  
  
Jerrod: (examining the record) Well, according to this, Jim's molecular pattern got reflected off of a small ID rift, and he wound up in another section of the ship.  
  
Crystallis: Which section?  
  
Jerrod: Well, it say he wound up on Deck 3, Room 12.  
  
Ashura & Crysty: DID YOU SAY 3-12?! O_O  
  
Jerrod: *blink blink* Uh, yeah. Is that bad?  
  
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =- [Meanwhile...]  
  
Inside 3-12, a hot shower is being run. While steam rising from the falling water makes visibility slightly blurry, an all-to-familiar (and completely drenched) penguin can be seen standing underneath the falling stream of water.  
  
Jim: (confused, looking around) What... the...? O-O  
  
Jim the Talking Penguin pulls back the shower curtain and exits the shower. He shakes himself as dry as possible before looking around the room. In one corner there is a small vase filled with flowers, a potpourri dish sitting atop the toilet seat, and an assortment of feminine bathroom products on the sink.  
  
Jim: Where the hell am I at, a friggin' "Bath & Body Works"?  
  
He then spies a small hamper filled with women's undergarments.  
  
Jim: WOO HOO! Make that a "Victoria's Secret"! :)  
  
At that moment, he hears voices from outside the door.  
  
Jim: EEP! Oh, boy! I forgot all about the "No Penguins" policy at these stores! (looks upward) Thanks a HEAP, Grandpa Phil!  
  
The door slowly begins to open. Thinking quickly, Jim jumps back into the shower and draws the curtain shut. The door opens, and a towel-clad Princess Ayeka walks in with "lufa" in one hand and a bottle of showel gel in the other.  
  
Ayeka: (tired) *sigh* What a week this has been. All the fighting, the destruction... -_-  
  
She walks over to the shower curtain.  
  
On the bright side, at least I can finally take a shower. *giggle* After all that work, I probably smell like the inside of a hen house! ^_^  
  
Ayeka opens up the shower curtain, and comes face-to-face with a soaking wet Jim the Talking Penguin!  
  
Ayeka: ... O_O*  
  
Jim: (extremely nervous) Ehhh, heh heh heh. Um... Hello! ^-^'  
  
Ayeka: (tries to cover herself) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! O_O  
  
Jim: (spooked) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! O_O  
  
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-  
  
[Outside 3-12 (labeled "Ayeka's Bathroom")]  
  
Jim & Ayeka (O.S.): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!  
  
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-  
  
[Back in the lounge...]  
  
Jerrod: (apprehensive) Please tell me that wasn't what I think it was. _  
  
Ashura & Crysty: 'Fraid so. -_-  
  
Jerrod ruefully hangs his head down.  
  
Jerrod: (mumbling) Muthafuck... -_-  
  
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =- [Elsewhere...]  
  
Sabian Starwalker is sitting on the floor in one of the hallways on Deck 3, polishing a Type-31 Photon Rifle, complete with a Lazer-vison (tm) scope, auto-recharge, and a chrome finish. He appears to be seething with anger.  
  
Sabian: (talking to himself) I swear, when I find that bird, he's gonna be REAL sorry that he ever even LOOKED at Sara!  
  
Suddenly...  
  
*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!*  
  
Sabian: (looks around) What the hell?! O_O  
  
Sabian jumps up and runs to the source of the screams.  
  
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-  
  
[Currently...]  
  
In Ayeka's bathroom, the Crown Princess of the planet Jurai has Jim by the shirt collar and is proceeding to shake him like a British nanny.  
  
Ayeka: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING HERE, YOU DEGENERATE?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT SORT OF TROUBLE YOU HAVE CAUSED ME?!! ~_~  
  
Jim: I-I-I WANTED T-TO TRY A-A-AND RE-RE-RE-RECTIFY THE SITUA-A-A-TION-N- N-N!!! @-@  
  
Just then, Sabian breaks down the door...  
  
*CRASH*  
  
...and points his photon rifle into the room.  
  
Sabian: Okay, where's the fire?!  
  
Ayeka, startled, drops Jim on his keester and tries to once again cover herself.  
  
Ayeka: Sabian! (points to Jim) HE was in my SHOWER!!  
  
Jim: (disoriented) Oooooog. @_@  
  
Sabian looks down at Jim. His eyes begin to glow red with rage...  
  
Sabian: You...! \_/  
  
Jim looks up at Sabian. His expression turns to one of a mixture of fear and nervousness. He smiles sheepishly and gives Sabian a slight wave with his right flipper.  
  
Jim: Eh, heh heh heh... Um, hiya, Sab. Uhm.... I, uh... hear you, uh, had a problem with the video? ^~^'''  
  
Sabian puts the photon rifle away and quickly replaces it with an obscenely- large Molecular Disintegration Cannon, complete with a side-mounted gattling gun, a bayonet, and a Lazer-vision (tm) scope on top.  
  
Sabian: (P.O.'ed to the MAX) I'M GONNA BLOW YOUR ASS TO HELL, YOU HOMEWRECKING SONUVABITCH!!! _  
  
Jim: (freakin' out) YEEEEEEK!!! O-O  
  
With speed never before accomplished by anyone short of Sonic the Hedgehog himself, Jim bolts past Sabian and out the door. The Space Knight immediately gives chase.  
  
Sabian: (running after Jim) HEY! GET BACK HERE!!  
  
Jim: (shaking his head) NUH-UH! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-  
  
[Elsewhere on the ship...]  
  
Amy Rose is bringing an ice pack to her "boyfriend", Sonic the Hedgehog, who is currently sitting at a nearby kitchen table. His expression resembles that of a frat guy after a weekend long drinking binge.  
  
Amy: (places the ice pack on Sonic's head) Here you go, Sonic:  
  
Sonic: ("zonked", holds ice pack on top of head w/ left hand) Uuuuuuugh... -_-  
  
Amy: I take it the Ibuprofen is starting to kick in?  
  
Sonic: You could say that, yeah... -_-  
  
Sonic then plops his head down on the table and lets out a long, hard sigh. Amy Rose sympathetically pats him on the back.  
  
Suddenly, several loud crashes grab Amy's attention. Seconds later, Jim runs into the room and starts running circles (literally) around Amy Rose and the semi-comatose Sonic. Sabian is right on his heels, wielding the M.D.C. in the air like a homicidal madman (which, at the moment, he is).  
  
Jim: Get AWAY from me with that thing!!!! O-O  
  
Sabian: HEEEEEERE, BIRDY, BIRDY, BIRDY!!! @_@  
  
Amy: HEY! GUYS!  
  
Sabian and Jim stop and look at her.  
  
Could you do that somewhere else, please? (points to Sonic, head still down on the table)  
  
Sabian and Jim look at each other, then tiptoe out of the room and resume the chase. Loud crashes and bangs can be heard.  
  
Sonic: (slurring speech) Who wuz that, Amzder?-_-  
  
Amy sits down in an empty chair and starts rubbing the back of Sonic's neck.  
  
Amy: (smiling softly) Oh, just Sabian chasing Jim around with some sort of really big gun.  
  
Sonic: Thad'z nice. -_-  
  
Amy continues to rubs Sonic's neck for about five more seconds, until...  
  
*CLICK*  
  
Sonic and Amy jump up and look at each other, wide-eyed.  
  
Sonic & Amy: SABIAN CHASING JIM WITH A REALLY BIG GUN?!?! O_O  
  
Sonic staggers out the room and down the hallway, with Amy close behind him.  
  
Sonic: When did THAT little beaked perv get here?! _  
  
Amy: Doesn't anybody tell us ANYTHING around here?! _ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-  
  
[Meanwhile...]  
  
Jim continues running down the hallway. He is looking left and right, trying to find some means of escape.  
  
Jim: Jeeeeez, where's a fire exit when you need one? - -  
  
Out of the corner of his eye, Jim spies a possible exit and makes a break for it. He makes a sharp right. He comes upon an automatic door, which opens up as the penguin gets close enough to it. He darts in...  
  
SANCTUARY! ^-^  
  
... and falls down, what turns out to be, an elevator shaft!  
  
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! O-O  
  
Sabian stops at the doorway and watches the flightless bird plummet to his possible demise.  
  
Sabian: (looking down the shaft) Aww, dammit! I wanted to kill 'em.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
[Author's notes]  
  
Eh, heh heh heh. Sorry for the long wait, people.  
  
Jim: "SORRY"?! "SORRY"?!?! You have us all wait, what? Two... Two-and-a- half MONTHS just so you can end this stupid chapter on a damn cliffhanger?!  
  
Oh, now don't YOU start with me, Jim!  
  
Jim: I swear, man. I mean, I can totally understand that you took an extended leave of absince for personal reasons, but what about ME, huh?! What about Jim?!  
  
*sigh*  
  
Jim: I mean, am I gonna live? Are you killin' me off? C'MON!  
  
ANYWAYS, I'm back now, and I'll try and do better on getting more chapters up on time.  
  
Jim: Oh, you had better... -  
  
Dammit, Jim! Will you get outta here?!  
  
Jim (walking away): Fine! I'm goin', I'm goin'! Sheesh, you try and voice an opinion, and "The Man" shuts you down...  
  
Um, righhhhhhhhhhht. Well, I guess I'll see you people later. Oh! I'd like to thank Ashura Hedgehog and MercStar for helpin' me out with this. They were a HUMONGOUS help. Now, be a sweety and go read some of their fics, okay? Ketchup, out!  
  
===============================================================  
  
Jerrod and Jim will return in... Jerrod and Jim SINS of the PENGUIN  
  
Episode III: "Vigilante Justice!" 


End file.
